Friday, April 14, 2006

Labelling

Do you see my intro to this blog? Do you see all the labels? ADHD,ADHD-NOS,ADD, Autism, PDD, PDD-NOS, LD, SID, Aspergers, Dyslexic, Dysgraphic, Dyscalculaic,...I know I'm forgetting some; but they all say the same thing...

THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kids internalize this. If we don't think they do, we're crazy. They also internalize our feelings about them, whether they are spoken or unspoken. While we are working through our "grief" at having a less than perfect child, they are trying to rise above the feeling that they are defective and maybe not worthy of our love. (Parenting isn't for cowards, and depression seems so selfish)!)

I KNOW I put Ben through that. I'm just trying to wake you up, before you do that to you child. Please learn from my mistakes.

And honey, I didn't buy that "cure" crap as much as many. My first blog was crying out to whoever would listen about what I figured the fact was that there wasn't an E.R. doctor alive who hadn't been labelled as "hyperactive" as a kid.

Who else could do that kind of work?

And Autistic traits...who could have invented the computer and the internet but obsessive thinkers? Ben's first "developmental" class had a kid whose uncle was an honest to God "Rocket Scientist"!

I didn't think they were real!

Guess who answered? Thom Hartmann. The guy started a school in New England for kids who had been abused, and the Hunter School, for kids who learn outside the lines. Most importantly, HE HAD AN AUDIENCE with POPE JOHN PAUL II !!(Hear that Mom?)

He came up with the idea that "ADHD" kids are Hunters in a Farmer's world, which was one of the first things we heard from the only neurologist Ben saw.

And he "spoke" online to me!!

And he agreed that the labels we have been giving our kids, could indeed do more harm than good. Even though I had a 5 year old who couldn't carry on a conversation, it wasn't necessarily a disability!

Anyhow, this story has more to it than name-dropping.

I just found out recently, in about the 3rd or 4th book I've read by Hartmann, that he considers himself ADHD, too. I thought he was just being nice because his son was labelled ADHD. He is such an accomplished man...

I don't know how I got to Thom Hartmann when the main thing I wanted to do today is to direct you to the blog link reached by clicking on the underlined title bar up above...Labelling.

I could read this essay daily, and not tire of it.

For those of us who have kids in the mild spectrum, it is life-affirming to realize that many have escaped the snares of Psychiatry by going underground. When the Good Lord told me that the really smart ones start off with more in common with the really slow ones than those average ones in the middle, He wasn't kidding.

And as I open up my eyes I can see that even among those considered "mentally-retarded" and autistic in the past, supposedly 75%...IF they are taught to their needs rather than to the needs of an unforgiving system...IF, a BIG IF, less than 15%would be considered retarded.

I find that unfathomable...incomprehensible...how can we as a society continue to get it so wrong? In our mad dash to capture "the good life", which it seems is never good enough, we have given up on "the rich life", which has nothing to do with money.

Some of us think the answer is to give our children everything we can afford in a mad hope to make them what we want. If those kids ever had a chance, if nothing changes, they've lost it. No one can live under the scrutiny of a lense. It burns the soul right out.

The greatest gifts we can give our children are those of the Spirit. They can't be bought, they MUST come from the heart, which is the source of true wealth. I'm not kidding...once you get access to it's treasures, all the rest is just minutiae. Life comes into focus.

But they come at an extraordinary cost. Let's, just for funs sake, see how many of these gifts are afforded to the "gold standard" treatment of behavioral intervention conceived by I. Lovaas.

Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Gentleness.
Self-control.

Hmm...Mr. Lovaas doesn't seem to have any gifts of the Spirit, but I bet he has a lot of money, beings as his name is equated with ABA, the $100,000 a year therapy parents of autistic kids are attempting to sue somebody for. He isn't really rich now, is he? No-o-o-o-o...that's right, he's a JERK!

What about the Underground Aspergerian. He/she finds a way to give their children what they need, in small, private schools or homeschooling, like their parents did for them. They actually HIDE their children from people like I. Lovaas. Do they have the fruits of the Spirit? Probably. I'd be willing to bet my life on it.

You know, I should apologize to anyone who reads this blog. I don't mean to be condescending...but I wish someone had talked to me like this when Ben was young.

2 comments:

Kev said...

Hi :o)

I'm really enjoying your blog. I run a site called Autism Hub http://www.autism-hub.co.uk which basically groups together pro-acceptance/science autism blogs and was hoping I could persuade you to 'join up' - please mail me at kevleitch@gmail.com if you're interested.

Sorry for leaving a comment with all this but I couldn't see an email address anywhere :o)

r.b. said...

Thanks! I am honored!

Rose

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