Saturday, June 30, 2007

Things that make you go hmm...

There is no link in google for "what crazy women think about. Sorry...

1) When Ben was around 4 years old, why did he always lay on the same spot on the floor when we went to K-Mart? As I remember, he'd always lay on the same spot and have a little fit. Was there a noise, was it the lighting, did it happen once by accident, but therefore have to be repeated because "that's what we do here in K-Mart" (replaying the tape...)

I've always wondered.

2) When Ben had a good time, instead of "do it again" a few times he said "Go backwards!". I always figured he was rewinding the tape in his mind to "replay" the event. Being a visual thinker, it makes sense. Hmm...

3) Is Ben's "oppositionality" a by-product of his early poor parenting? We didn't understand he didn't understand us, so we used to nail him to get him to do what we wanted. Did he learn you save your sense of self by doing the opposite of what you are asked? (He's not that bad at all now, really, but we used to say, "Ben, DON'T put away the dishes"...and the little shit would start putting them away, even though he was fully aware and a little peeved we had tricked him. He KNEW his own compulsions.)

If we had been more aware and accepting, would he have developed an oppositional stance? Hmm...

4)Do autistics attach a negative emotional response to places that is unchanging? Although he will do it if asked, he prefers not to go to Wal-Mart because we have often had emotional tussles there.

Why am I developing an aversion to Wal-Mart, and only go when the money saved is paramoount? Hmm...

5) Why is it when I hear about some genius actually "suffering" from Asperger's or some sort of "LD", or of someone who is/was possibly a member of this exclusive club, I'm not surprised?

That Nobel Prize guy recently in the news (forgive spelling)
Andy Kaufman
Dan Akroyd
Bill Gates
Steven Spielberg
Leonardo Da Vinci
G.K. Chesterton
(went to a brain doctor at age 9 because they thought he was "slow")
Thomas Alva Edison (too scattered to learn)
Albert Einstein (sister says he was "echolalic", or repeated phrased under his breath)
Charles Schultz
Thomas Jefferson
Charles Schwabb

That "Virgin Records"/air/mobile guy
Jonathon Mooney ( The Short Bus...more later...)
Samuel Clemmens (Mark Twain)
Winston Churchill
Ivar Lovaas (my own guess..a rich irony, eh?...Somebody ought to try to beat it out of him...)
Most techies

What do they all have in common? They all thought for themselves and changed the area where they found their niche. Some changed the world!

6) Could Aspergers, LD, Autism, become the new "disease" du- jour? (In particular to Kristina's post, it used to piss me off when they'd say a killer was "dind of a quiet guy" because I was "kind of a quiet girl", and I felt all of us "kind of quiet people" were suspect, just like blacks, the poor, Mexicans...we all were inherently suspect because of the group we belonged to...)here. Hmm..

7) NT's can show love "in their eyes". Why does it seem to me that autistics have to be shown love and show love "with their bodies". When Ben was four months old I told the pediatrician that he wasn't bonded to me because he never looked at me (and he never did until he was 2.5 years). She implied I was crazy because she had seen "failure to thrive" and said, "Look at the way he clings to you!!! When Ben feels he does something wrong, he always wants a hug to know that he is forgiven. He "feels" forgiveness through physical bonding, and always has.

AND, LAST, BUT NOT LEAST (You smart-butts quit clapping!)

8) Why does anxiety seem to be such a part of autism?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Donna Williams

I don't want to lose track of this video. Donna's work has really picked up, and I love her new stuff. How I wish I could afford it!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Humanity versus genius

I just can't let it alone.

I read a book a while back, and a seed was planted in a way that only great ideas can bring about. A good seed planted among the thorns.

I'm sure it was a self help book, as I was "into" them about that time. I have tried to google to give the author credit, but just don't have the time or patience today, so if anyone is familiar with it (ala needle in a haystack style), PLEASE let me know. I think it was a woman, who, like many others, changed my head.

It is a parable of sorts, as all good teaching is.

She gave an example of a boat in which there were three people: Herself, an old man, and a young child, (I'm taking a tremendous amount of creative license here as I can't recall the particulars...) and a painting by a great artist, let's say for my sake, Rembrandt van Rijn. I can't find my true favorite of his, so this may somewhat color the story for me.

She is the captain of the boat, and must stay on in order for the boat to make a safe return. But the boat is overloaded. One of the three (two people or the painting) must go. She must make the decision.

She said there was a time in her life, when she would have let the old man go, thinking he had lead a good life, and a priceless work of art for the ages would be saved.

But because of a change of heart(or head), she tells the story again later in the book and insists that she would ALWAYS choose the human life. There were no ifs, and s or buts about it. ALWAYS.

Do we sometimes choose ideas over people?

Saturday, June 23, 2007

from the Joy of Autism

Sweet Jesus

Thank you Estee. This is all the reading I need.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Be quiet and the kids will come to you

Ben's advice to a teacher who wanted to know the "secret".

I was very quiet as a child...most of us major depressive schitzo-shitzo's are. At age 14 or so I was walking back from a friends house. A boy, tall, lean, and scary, started following me. I didn't know who he was or what he wanted. Mr. Faulkner, our neighbor who I had only waved at before said, "He won't hurt you. He's mute". I never saw him again although I lived the rest of my teen years in that neighborhood. Into my life, and then non-existent.

Taking Ben to the library...a young boy hugs me. He is autistic, his teacher says.

Grass in the wind

When Ben was young, I told his teacher the harder you pulled his rope, the harder he pulled back. It's so DAMN hard to let go of the rope.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Post Script:

I'm wearing my newly acquired Autism-hub t-shirt. That out to mess with their minds.... :)

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Emotionalism versus Sensationalism

The word emotionalism came to me this morning, while thinking about the difference between NT's and NNT's. I don't know what I am, but I know I'm definitively "not typical".

Emotionalism is what NTism is all about. It amounts to the ability to be moved, from it's Latin meaning. I think of collective blades of wheat, blowing in unison. It's a beautiful sight to see, having lived in Kansas, and literally gives a visual representation of that which cannot normally be seen, the wind.

Now, sensationalism means to understand by the senses. Understanding cannot be seen, it is as individual as the weeds that staunchly stand up to ruin the unison effect. As staunch as the rebel who refuses to follow the collective line, to "fit in".

While googling for an image of a "weed in a wheat field", I found no pictures of wheat fields whatever. So I tried "wheat field". I starting noticing a lot of Vincent Van Gogh's paintings coming up, such a sensationalist he was! All of them had weeds in the forefront, a prominant place, but this one.

Look very, very closely at the background.

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will
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