Wednesday, November 26, 2008

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...






It's not me, it's Ben. He has always loved decorating for Christmas. He usually doesn't start until after Thanksgiving dinner, but this year he has been checking out the lights for missing bulbs, etc, for about a month. He and Dad put up this little pretty today. One gal brought her kids to see it, ages 1 and 3. They really enjoyed it. He was so proud of his design!

The hedge in front of the apartment hides some of the lights. I'm not sure he's finished, but he's tired for today. He's my joy boy, and he's giving it out to the rest of the apartment complex!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Fear of the Future

Ben has shared some things with me lately. I seldom, if ever, get really personal on this blog...I don't want it to come back to haunt him or me.

Maybe it is a teen thing, but this omnipresent thing called "the future" scares him. He is afraid he is unemployable. He has always had this dream to be an inventor since the first grade...and it's the only way out he can see. A regular 9 to 5 is just not his way.

I only survived employment with the help of anti-depressants. It wasn't really that I was depressed, but that I was enormously sensitive to criticism, and took it all straight to heart. The anti-depressants served as a "buffer zone" between me and the world. I would equate it with an intense shyness, and an intense fear of failure. I see some of the same shyness/fear of failure in Ben.

He was on ritalin to help him get through school without being in an enclosed special ed classroom. I KNEW they went much slower, and something told me he was very bright. It also helped him control his outbursts, gave him a buffer between his reactive feelings and the world, much like my anti-depressants. (I wasn't medicated through school, there never was a need in the "old days". I was a little off kilter, but had many friends, some of whom I still have. I was thought to be very bright...but "not living up to my potential". The same has been said of Ben.}

Well, what I need to know is, how can I help him to have faith in himself? Do any of you use drugs as a buffer? (I am thinking about having him see if he has more faith in himself with the addition of ritalin, like I use anti-depressants. I think they kept me out of a lot of trouble I would have caused for myself without them.)

It's not as though he doesn't have good role models. His 5th grade teacher was different, probably ADHD, and loved him into success and a stress free year. She believed in him like NOBODY's business, like nobody before or since. For 3 years, we were totally blessed to have a psychiatrist who was ADHD himself, and who never went into any psycho-babble, he just encouraged Ben and told him he was "the hardest worker he knew." We (both of us!)got out of his sessions uplifted. No blame, no "better way" by someone who "knew better"....Just encouragement! We loved them both, and Ben at one time said he would like to be a psychologist like "Dr. Luke" to help other kids like him. He was that good! Granny had trouble in school, and has always believed in Ben. Dad was a "late talker", and sees a lot of himself in Ben. So do I.

I know you all are extremely busy...but if you have any good advice, please leave a comment if you can share it with the world, or email me via the hub ring (jrbwalk).

God bless...Rose

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Autism Experts

Who are the autism experts? I googled it, and if you hit the link above you'll see who comes up first. (Autismsqueaks comes up second...surprise, surprise).

I know it's goofy, but imagine an alien comes to this planet, and becomes enraptured with this thing called "woman".

"Tell me more, what is this woman?"

Would we send them to a gynecologist to explain the inner workings of a woman's body, a doctor to show the physical manifestations, a psychiatrist to show the issues of being woman,(all the previous from a male point of view), let them read books on women's issues, give them a copy of playboy, talk about women's suffrage, have a man talk about his wife, have children talk about their mother; would we, in essence, avoid a snowballs chance in hell that they could actually meet and talk with a woman, have their questions answered by a woman...would we only allow a societal constuct of womanhood to escape?

Do you think they'd ever really figure out what this thing, this "woman", was?

Maybe, we could have a token woman who was only allowed to say things about herself that were previously cleared with all the above "experts" first. She would say things that made them feel comfortable, because that's what "good" women do.

i'm jus sayin....
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